I want to shed some light on being yourself. This understanding I achieved mainly through practice and proper communication (according to the stuff I’ve read over the years – that I have tested and realized that it works). Being yourself sounds great. But there are different ways to project it. Like for instance – you can be yourself, but you can be coming from a frame of mainly insecurities and downfalls in life. No one will want to talk to you, if you only project your weaknesses. People will have a general belief of you, that you are usually depressed and have nothing positive and interesting to say. You can be yourself and have a negative point of view about everything around you, but this will turn people off, especially the girls. This is the sticking point for most guys. They basically take on “being themselves” quite literally and lose sight. Words have impact, they matter. And what better way to impact a person, than a positive one? Don’t get me wrong, you can still share something negative, but put it into perspective, about how that thing has hanged you for the better. That’s what I mean by telling you guys to always come from a stronger frame of mind. Project your strengths, don’t overdo it, because it might seem to the girl that you are bragging about yourself and how strong you are. There is a slight balance of what you can say and what you absolutely shouldn’t. Some of you have probably figured out what I mean by now, it’s not the-what you say, as much as what you imply when saying it and how you say it. It might be the most depressing thing you’ve expressed, that has happened to you in your life, but if you apply on the part where that particular experience has led you to an exponential growth, she will think that you have the potential to not only change yourself, but changing and leading people around you. She will think that you can adapt to change, after negative experiences, she will believe that you are strong and she will give you a chance to show her what you truly are about. Everyone can be strong and dependable, thing is, not everyone can show it the proper way. I personally believe this is the proper way. It might not work for some of you, because we all see and feel things differently, and my other stronger believe is that you will eventually get it and this will help you move on in life.

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Another thing I realized about proper communication that can impact your overall success in a positive way. There are three possible ways the rapport will conclude, depending on what both of you have discussed over the course of your date. There are also three possible ways to start the conversation. The topics you can talk about are:

– Positive – Things that have impacted you positively during the day, week years and so on.

– Negative – those topics revolve around the negative experiences you’ve had.

– Neutral – those types of topics are the ones that you or her don’t put much or any emotions in whatsoever.

If you want to have a normal conversation with someone, you are probably thinking that you should imply on the positive things in life. Well what if I say that you are half-right? You might be asking yourself the question – What? I should be implying on the negative as well, so there can be balance? Not quite. You should mainly include the neutral topics. For instance you can ask her – “What did you do today, before you came here to have coffee with me?”. She will start the conversation with the positive, the negative and the neutral included. For instance she might reply – “Well I had coffee, went to work, my boss was a pain in the ass more than usual today, but as I sat down to wait for you I had this amazing glass of wine, and that made me feel awesome”. You can start talking about the wine or the negative experience she had with her boss and escalate from there, but is it smart to do? If you are trying to appeal to her and please her, the logical course of action is to talk about the “glass of wine” that made her day, but you will end up becoming her friend, because you are trying to please her. You might have sex eventually, but you will be one of the many guys, who make the same mistake. If you go for the “pain in the ass boss experience”, which is something negative she’d rather forget and focus on the now, the possibility is high, that in the future she will use you as a dumpster for her emotional tampons. The best thing you can do is talk about the neutral topics, like the one with the coffee she had. Ask simple questions like – “do you always have coffee in the mornings?”. She might say – “Well yeah, that’s how I get up”. There are tons of possible ways to escalate from there and for the sake of this topic I will give you one. Once you start talking about the coffee, start applying emotion to this particular topic. For instance, tell her a story, for when you were younger, and the first time you drank coffee and how it made you feel that day. For instance – “It might seem strange to you, but this actually reminds me of the first time in my life I actually made myself coffee. I was 15 and couldn’t get up for school and the same day I had an exam, so I used our coffee making machine and made myself a small cup. After a couple of sips I was fully awake and I gave it some thought and finally realized why people drink coffee. Another great feeling I experienced was like, well, it was the first time I felt like a grown up, so after I left for school I went there with a ton of confidence.” This will shock her in a way, because not many people talk like that. Who the hell goes for the neutral topics nowadays? The logical conclusions are – you rather go for the positive or the negative, but try this a couple of times with different scenarios and the results might surprise you. Be congruent while you are at it and this will make her like you even more, without you putting much of an effort towards that. You will simply be expressing yourself in a way few people expect you to. Hope my advice helps you guys in your way of being the best possible version of yourselves. Cheers!

THE DOUBLE STANDARD PART 2 - HOW TO GO ABOUT IT
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