Over the years, analyzing different situations regarding people living together and starting a family I came to a couple of conclusions, which contradict themselves, but are also right, depending on the situation. Emotion-wise most people simply don’t grow up. They are having a hard time understanding each other. For instance statistics show, that the importance for marriage has grown 37% for women and went down 29% for men. First as a man, you must understand, that we look at things depending on the cost-reward analysis. Marriage is so possible, but over the years the penalties have gotten higher and the rewards now are so low, that a lot of men simply opt out of marriage. It is not only the legal and political ramifications of marriage that put men down, but also the psychological ones that have a huge effect on the determining factor for us, about getting married.
Keep in mind that, like I’ve written on the “Gender Roles” topic, that women’s roles have changed drastically.
There is a very strong feeling that marriage has become an unsafe ground for men, because of the courts practicing bias against men and fathers, coming from the fact that women are considered better caretakers, which makes the risk for men, based on the cost-reward analysis – higher than it ever was, especially these days, where over 55% of marriages fail at some point and it is the women (over 80%), who decide that they don’t want their men anymore. Marriage is just a paperwork, but now you are letting the government into your bedroom.
It might seem from this topic that I am actually favoring men on the regard of marriage, even though this is a website mainly for men, I would also like to point out the main mistakes on my mind right now that men and women make towards each other, because I believe it is necessary to see both sides.
Mistakes Women make
Women are lacking accountability and not taking responsibility for certain things. In society it is believed that men should be accountable for everything even though it might not be their fault to begin with. In society today it is mostly “WOE!” to the men, who rightfully want to criticize a woman, as well as her behavior. It is my personal believe, that the culture today regarding relationships is bias against men. It is almost like we are treated as disposable objects and our worth has dropped drastically over the years. The worst case scenario, we end up being blamed for everything that goes wrong with her life. It is almost like – women have this internal mechanism that is designed for them not to take blame onto themselves. In the case of relationships women (most cases) rather:
- Avoid dealing with the problem themselves and are not taking responsibility.
- Pretend like – nothing had happened.
- Becoming passive-aggressive after being confronted about the problem.
- Running away and shutting things instead.
Those are a couple of tactics I’ve come across so far. Both sexes are often guilty of this.
Let us sum it up
Why does that happen? Men’s happiness should come internally, and since he is the protector and the provider he has to take care of the woman. Women’s happiness on the other hand comes from the environment around her, and if the environment changes and it doesn’t suit her, she becomes passive-aggressive.
Mistakes Men make
Some of the things guys do when in relationships is getting all comfortable (fat) and they forget about the things that matter, like – self-development and their health. A lot of guys get all fat and lazy to the point they look at the woman as some sex object that is there for their comfort from time to time, in “Which” to put it a couple of times, bust a nut and get behind the computer screen again. Most guys lose their sense of purpose, which they shouldn’t. On one hand this has to do with the social narrative that they have to take responsibility and they ain’t worth much that puts a lot of pressure on our brothers. On the other hand they are simply lazy and didn’t actually really deserve this girl in the first place. To sum it up – those are the biggest problems for guys who commit to a relationships these days:
- They start viewing the woman as a sex object.
- They lose their sense of purpose.
- They become extremely lazy.
- They let the small things slide and there comes a time where they build up and explode.
- They don’t allow the woman to feel emotionally stable.
- They let the power of the relationship come into the grasp of the woman and then they wonder why she dumped them in the first place afterwards.
Those are on the top of my mind since I’ve done it myself before, and to be honest most guys do those things because it is like a biological tendency.
Back in the day, people used to marry first and then have sex, today sex comes first, people live together for a while and then they decide if they should get married or not.
Yes men are aggressive and they can physically put a woman on her place with a simple slap, but statistics show that the majority of domestic violence are actually men, which reminds me of a saying I once heard – “What might be small and fragile, tends to be dismissive and violent”. Statistics also show that in the developed world, it is men who end up paying 97% of all cases for the alimony. It is men who opt out of marriage, because they don’t want to lose half their property and their children. A survey done for marriage since 1970-2011 shows that the chance of a man getting married is directly proportional to his income.
The culture nowadays keeps telling us that we are no good and we should grow a pair. The solution is to have fair laws in order for men not to see marriage as an unsafe ground. But at the same time, keep grinding through it guys, we must grow up and be the best possible version of ourselves. In order for our children to grow up healthy and become the best versions of themselves afterwards, we must love our partners in the relationship and not allow ourselves to be lazy and selfish.
MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSIPS IN THE 21ST CENTURY